Musings on my emotions.

RE: my last post..

2005-12-03T04:49:21Z

She still has much of her stuff here, she took very little. It's most likely just my mind letting me know that she won't be comming here, that this isn't where she lives now.

But this is still home I hope, because this is where I am and home is where the heart is, right?

I'm trying to maintain a cheerful front right now, as I can't afford not to. heh.

I bought a 100 light strand mini light set for 2.50 at the grocery store tonight. I put them in the window. It looks like a retarded kid put them up, and likely the tape will not hold (I hear little clicks from the tape as I type), and it was begun to merrily blink.

How sad can you be if you have blinking lights right next to you?

It's an attempt. I need to keep my spirits up.

I have a LOT of hope about us working. Things are already so much better, so it all is up to me to make the rest right.

*deep breath*

Love you Claire.

dalisairmopy @ 2005-12-02T20:17:00

2005-12-03T04:17:10Z

So finally home. Will pay my phone bill tomorrow.

It's weird, I just walked into the room, and Claires PRESENCE is missing. I don't know how else to describe it other than rather than her physical absence, there is no feel of her here.

It's probably just me being mopy...

Day 1

2005-12-02T22:50:57Z

I just watched her drive away.

I watched till the car turned onto the freeway, and as it did it began to rain. Almost as if the sky itself could feel the pain and anguish I was feeling.

It's better this way. It will get better.

She's not gone, she's just not living with me anymore.

We're still boyfriend and girlfriend. There is NO reason for me to be crying over this.

But I'm still sad that I won't have her to wake up to each morning...

We started talking. So much cleared up over so very few hours, it's almost like being new again. But it's very much not.

I've hurt her, she's hurt me. While I can easily put that aside, she cannot. But I'm hoping the last 36 hours have gone a LONG way to helping with that.

I am not often a patient man. I don't like waiting. But for her I will wait as long as we need to.

Weird how all of this could have been changed if we were just communicating.

I need to leave, go down and pick up my check.

I love you Claire.

Bye all.